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thinking about what her problems are. And as some one who was once an insane-o teen maybe I can help. It is obvious to me that this girl is CRAVING her Dad's attention. Your's too, but really it's her Dad's. I know this sound crazy but I'd seriously be reconsidering his job if I were two. You family's happiness is at stake here in a big way! The few days a month he is around not be nearly enough to make her feel loved and secure. She is already starting out with huge self esteem and validation issues. Her Dad taking a pro-active and consistent stance in her life make a big impact. Him being gone all the time with you home holding the bag, make you always be the bad guy (to her you'll be the evil step mom to hubby you'll be the one who "let" her get pregnant again) while he gets to be the knight on a white horse who "visits" once a month. The sanity of your family is at stake here, he needs to seriously consider new employment. You also mention that she is repeating some of her Mother's patterns with men and she doesn't want to do that. Tell her everything in this paragraph I'm typing now. Your teen is at a time in her life where she can identify behavior she doesn't want but her doesn't work well enough to fight being what she doesn't want to be. Instead of focusing on what she DOESN'T want to be she (and you) need to get her focused on what she WANTS to be. Talented? Smart? Kind? Involved? Doesn't even have to be a "thing", if she simply names a "quality" she wants to be it's fine. Whatever she responds with to you about what she wants to be, you need to take that ball and run with it. Sign her up for any activities Find couples remotely having to do with what she wants to be. Go to her stuff and support her, show off her efforts, make big deals of her accomplishments. In the same vein, you need to find her currency. What is it that she holds most dear and makes her tick? She not even be able to tell you, pay attention to what lights her up. You get her to behave by using her currency. When I was growing up my parents could get me in line by limiting my horse time. Gambling my horse time wasn't worth it. To me, the stupid desperate need for boyfriend validation reeks of a girl needing her Father's attention, needing her time/hands filled, and adult guidance.
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